I thought it would be appropriate to begin this blog with a little about who I am and the journey through life that I am taking.

From a very young age, I have known that God exists. I remember being about six or seven, looking out over a park full of trees. The sky was ablaze with glorious blue, and birds were dancing on the breeze. In that moment, I saw a greater order of life—something that simply couldn’t have happened without design. I realised there was something greater. But what?

As I grew, I explored many different worldviews on creation and life’s purpose. I tried the Christian Church; however, my first service informed me that my grandfather, who had passed away shortly before, was in hell. This not only terrified and disturbed me, it also didn’t fit with what I had seen in the park.

Over the years, I sought understanding in many religions and spiritual paths. Some I still deeply respect, even if I no longer agree with them. From Wicca to Hinduism, Buddhism to Spiritualism—each path offers its own understanding of who we are and why we are here.

In my early teens, I also discovered that I was attracted to other men and had no attraction to women—yet another reason I felt I didn’t fit within the Christian Church. So I continued my search for God outside of it.

I kept searching for meaning through various mystical traditions, even sharing and teaching within some of those paths that emphasised compassion and understanding toward others.

Then, in my mid-forties, my father passed away from cancer-related illness. As a family, we clung to one another, held together by an overarching compassion that we didn’t fully understand but experienced from time to time.

However, within a few years, as I tried to hold everything together, I had a breakdown. I developed an existential crisis—I needed to know what had happened to my father. The spiritual paths, mentors, and respected friends I had relied on failed to give me solid ground. It felt like emotional quicksand, developing into a deep and ongoing existential dread. This eventually became extreme anxiety, to the point where I could hardly leave the house for several years.

I used techniques from all the traditions I had explored. Some helped for a time, but nothing lasted. I always found myself sinking back into the same despair and anxiety. Eventually, I gave up and accepted that this might simply be my lot in life.

That’s when I began noticing a gentle, recurring call—to read Psalm 23. Although I recognised some wisdom in the Bible, I wasn’t interested in what it had seemed to offer me in the past. Still, the call persisted. I would read a magazine, and Psalm 23 would be mentioned. I’d turn on the TV, and someone would be teaching on it. It kept appearing in ways I can’t fully recall—but it certainly caught my attention.

I resisted. From what I had seen of Christianity, I wanted nothing to do with it—and as far as I understood, its God wanted nothing to do with me either. I was pagan, gay, and far from the Church’s strongest advocate. Yet the call continued, as did the anxiety.

One day, I finally gave in and read it. The very first line turned my world upside down: “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.”

In that instant, I saw what my life had been missing. I heard, in the way it met my need, an invitation—to accept the Lord as my Shepherd, and to trust Him with my future.

I was still unsure how this would fit with my sexuality, but I sensed there were no conditions attached. I was simply invited—to belong to Him, and to allow His love to begin restoring my life.

In the years since, the Lord has moved in my life in deeply personal and intimate ways, bringing blessings I am only beginning to understand. He has walked with me, just as He promised, every step of the way.

Is it always easy? No. But it is no longer the hell I once lived in when I tried to carry everything on my own.

What has changed is this: He is now on the throne where He has always belonged, and His love is more visible than ever—not only to me, but also to those around me. I have seen His love overflow into the lives of others, bringing transformation in ways I could never have orchestrated myself.

I am still in a long-term relationship with a loving partner who has walked beside me through it all. I am both gay and a follower of Christ, and this is not something I am seeking to change or have debated—it is something I have brought before God and found peace in.

And I believe, now more than ever, that God loves us all and desires the very best for us. (Romans 8:38-39) Do we always live fully in line with His ideal? No. But we are in relationship with Him, and we are learning to listen when He calls. And for that grace, I will always be grateful.

Jesus is indeed the Good Shepherd, and I am deeply grateful to be one of His sheep.